wish

So badly I wish that life had a pause button. I wish that in one click I could keep my life in the happiness that it is in. But my heart is so ready to open the next chapter in my life. Sunshine and summertime have brought my some of my greatest memories. I met some of the most amazing people in my whole life. People who have changed me for the better. People who understand and love me for me. But what about all of those back in Rexburg. Those people who I met and connected with when I was weak and torn apart. Those people who where there to repair me when I was injured. And what about those who I will never see again that were met in rexburg. People really go in and out of our lives. But why can't they ones we want stay in forever? I wish that there was more time in the day. There are so many people that have places in my heart. So many people that I love with my being. And there is room for more. Plenty more. There is room for someone to adore me. Room for that someone who will love me forever, and not come in and out of my life. 
My best friend is in Utah. away. gone. starting a new chapter in her life. I am in Wyoming. Is it home? or am I going back home to Rexburg. Moving back for the third time. Going back to where I have a life. Where I know everyone and where everything is so different than it is now. 
It is like I have two worlds. Completely separated. This new world, with new people and a new and improved me. This new life where every single person I know helps me in some way. I am happy here. and always will be when I think back to it. 
But what about my other life. The life that I live it up. The life that I am friends with everyone and that I am outgoing and never giving up on anything. I can't put it into words. But these worlds, they are so far apart. But both me. 
I don't know what to think. My heart aches that this summer has come to an end. 
But my stomach cramps with excitement when I think about returning to the burg. Each life, and all of the people have a place in my heart. 
I just hate that they can't be combined. 
Oh wouldn't that be lovely? 
To have it all together? All one. My life and friends at school and my life and friends of this wonderful summer. My soul smiles at the thought of that. 
As I pack up my things, my emotions are distraught. My body doesn't know how to keep up. Excited? Sad? Hurt? Joyful? What is next. 

Life is moving on. My fingers shake from that sentence. My fifth semester is about to begin. My brain is going to be challenged again.  I am growing up. My body is aging. I am no longer a child. I am moving up in the world. I am expected to understand things. People look at me as an adult. I am scared. and I don't know what to think. 
Where am I going to be in a year, two, or five from now? Will I have completed school and earned a degree? Will I even be alive? Which home will I be living at? Who will be a prominent person in my life? Will I have a shattered heart or a heart full of love? 
A career? Home? Husband? Money? This life of mine. 
Where is it leading me. Where will I be? Who will I be? 
This life. So confusing. So amazing. So hopeful.