Dreams

As I am laying here listening to Pandora, sweats on, hair pulled back and body curled up in a fluffy blanket my mind is just going wild.
I am nineteen years old. I have completed two years at byu-i. I pay for practically everything. I have a eight thousand dollar surgery almost payed off and I feel so grown up.
But today while I was doodling with chalk with some little kids, the sun beating down on our skin, birds singing freely, I realized... I am so young. I have not even been out of the womb for twenty years. I hopefully have only lived just one fifth of my life.
My mind is a so fresh. My body so young. How can I allow myself to let all of these days go by without living to the fullest.
It is not going to be forever that I am young like this. Single, and nothing holding me down or back from doing what I want. I am completely free and able to do what I desire.
As I was talking with a good friend of mine I had an epiphany. Why am I not doing what makes me happy? In school I was dancing and enjoying that time in my life. I was socializing and trying to be as happy as possible. But at the end of the week when I would sit down and breathe I often caught myself struggling to see how much I was having fun. Was I really enjoying myself or was I just putting on a show to convince myself that I was loving life.
After I graduated high school I considered a few options. One of them was going to beauty school. I got shot down by many of my extended family members and I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself then.
However, here I am.
19 and stronger than ever. I have never been able to stand up for myself this much before! I have never felt so free to do what I want to do, not what everyone else thinks I should do. I want to go to Paul Mitchell. I want to learn about hair, and make-up and all of that. Just because it is not graduate school, and I am not going to be making as much as a doctor does not mean it is not right!
The more and more I think about all of this, the more I get excited and ready to just jump on it!
I don't know where exactly I am going to attend cosmetology school. Idaho? Utah?
Not sure but I am getting the most amazing feeling that I should try out Boise, ID.
I was in Boise the beginning of this week and it was absolutely beautiful. My heart was warm the whole time I was there! I don't know why exactly but I just feel so comfortable there!
I am so young, I have so much living to do. So why not start now. Why not get up and out of my safety zone. Go meet new people, start fresh, learn something that I am so excited to learn about?!
I have plenty of researching to do before I make any decisions. But I feel someone at peace knowing that I am ready to move on. I am ready to do what I want, where I want and how I want.
This is big.
My young brain is growing and maturing.
I am ready to start life.