This heart of mine

This heart of mine is never going to be the same. It has almost been six months since I had my heart shattered. To hundreds of small pieces that will hopefully one by one be able to find their way back.
I find myself, often thinking of where I would have been in my life today if things went as my "love story" would have went the way I planned in my head. thankfully I have met some great people these last few months that have helped me grow, I can't imagine my life without them. Good things do come out of bad experiences. Just not the things that I had planned. thanks to every love story out there all my mind thought should happen was that he would realize how much he missed me and he would come crawling back only for me to melt into his strong arms again.
Things remind me of him. Actions, and words. Even smells. They all soften my heart and the little girl inside of me comes out and wishes to go after him one last try. She wishes that in a blink of an eye all of her daydreams and wishes would come true. Like Cinderella or snow white.
I thought after I got hurt that my heart would move on.
I was wrong.
for a while I got sick with the thought of him. I didn't know if it was because I was angry or hurt or just moving on. But now I look back and I was not angry. I can't even imagine being a tiny bit angry at him. He was doing what his heart and head told him to do. I was hurt, but I wasn't moving on. Day by day I hoped that I would be able to meet someone and not compare the man I built up in my head.
I never would have imagine that here I am, six months later and my heart warms with the thought of him. He feels so right, but yet we are in complete different worlds.
There are other fish in the sea?
that doesn't mean anything to me! He is the fish that I loved. He is the fish that taught me to love and helped me become so much of who I am today. All of those other fish? They are just gray blobs swimming by. Not one has even caught my eye. They are not colorful and bright. These fish, they are not for me!
But one problem. Him and I, we are in different seas. Our paths are not going to cross. Our lives are not set up so that we can be with each other.
our oceans, they are different. and my mind just can't except that.
I am in love with him.
I am in love with the way he is.
I can't get him out of my mind.
but yet, he has not chosen to swim by me.
He has not contacted me and he made it very clear we will not be in the same ocean. If ever again. But why can't I believe that yet? Why does it feel so right, when he is not even here.
I hope with all of my heart I can move on.
I need closer. I need to see him again. I need to see him not choosing me. I need to see his arms wrapped around someone else. I need to see him and have him tell me it is never EVER going to work out.
that way, I can hopefully move on.
Without a doubt I will always love him and he will always be in my heart.
But I hope someday, I can meet someone who can fill my heart full so that I can love again. And be loved.
I hope someday I can swim across a fish who makes me happy, and help me realize how much I love this new fish more than the old. That he can prove to me how much better he is for me, and that someday, I can be with my fish forever.